Now he would never write the things that he had saved to write until he new enough to write them well.
Well, he would not have to fail in trying to write them either.
Maybe you would not have to fail at trying to write them either.
Maybe you could never write them, and that was why you put them off and delayed the starting.
What a dramatic title that is. But I deeply believe that Shiatsu saved my life – multiple times.
I never like to tell my story because it doesn’t feel ‘dramatic’ enough to be one worth telling.
BUT my story has made me into who I am now – and is why I am passionate about Shiatsu, meditation, yoga and the spiritual world. And it is my story to tell.
Very early on as a child, I already knew what a deep-rooted fear of death felt like. I was afraid that my friends and family or I would die of cancer, I was so afraid of a fire in the house that I got up in the middle of the night and walked around the house to make sure there was no fire. As I grew up, it turned into an irrational but very deep-seated fear of the oft-predicted apocalypse. This went so far that I was obsessively watching the news more than 4 times a day before the famous 21. December 2012 so I could see the signs of an actual apocalypse coming.
When my neighbour and childhood friend really did die of skin cancer at the age of 17 I was in a deep cycle of self-hate, self-harming, and I had a complete lack of self-confidence. In hours of deep despair I would cut myself with the sharp end of a ruler, scissors, a razor blade or a paper clip all the while crying and shouting on the inside. I sat in my room crying almost every day, I had temper tantrums full of anger because I just didn’t know what to do and I did not want to live anymore. I walked around with a massive deep hole of pain in my chest not knowing how to get rid of it and what to do with it. For a long time I thought it was just part of crowing up, then depression, even though I never received a clinical diagnosis, and now I want to believe it was my soul growing.
All of this did not come from my childhood friend dying. It came because I am a sensitive person and I was bullied from the age of 6 onwards in school. At about 10 years old one of my class mates cut holes in my socks and tights when we had physical education so I had to wear tights with holes for the rest of the day – this experience seems significant because I can still recall it. There were a lot of other incidences – class mates making fun of my new clothes, telling me I am fat multiple times, so-called friends not telling me about parties, and as the digital age arrived people literally leaving a conversation on my social media wall about how ugly, fat and what a whore and slut I was. They even threatened to kill me on that page. One girl sent me a text from a number I didn’t know telling me that ‘I am so fat and ugly I will not get a boyfriend.
Because of all of this bullying I was very self-conscious, I felt I didn’t have any real friends and it lead to my self-hatred, self-harm and my compulsive need for studying and getting good grades in school because that was the only thing I could shine at and be better at than my class mates.
As I am writing all of this my heart fills with pain and I am tearing up because I want to hug that young woman, tell her that she is loved and that she will turn out to be a great beautiful individual.
My parents and my sister were a great support through this very hard part of my growing. They sat with me when I was crying, equally knew when to just let me lie on the floor – my favourite thing to do – and cry until I stopped, provided me with herbal calming drops, helped me study by helping to revise everything that I had learned by heart. They were just always there for me and loved me unconditionally.
And the most important part – they accepted my wish not to go into therapy or swallow antidepressants. I have always had a very strong belief that antidepressants are not for me. I needed help though, so my mother was on the lookout for alternative medicine therapists and took me to several different ones.
It wasn’t until Shiatsu that we found a therapy that I loved and I enjoyed so much that I was happy to have a treatment every 2 weeks for about 3 years initially.
My neighbour – the mum of my dead childhood friend – got help from a Shiatsu practitioner to cope with her grief. She knew that I was suffering and recommended Shiatsu to my mum. They had a ‘secret’ meeting with the Shiatsu practitioner discussing Shiatsu and if it would be a therapy for me before my mother presented it to me. I was willing to give it a go.
I can’t remember exactly, but I must have liked my first Shiatsu session because I kept on having them. Over time I started to trust the Shiatsu Practitioner and I grew stronger, I was happier, my confidence grew. She and Shiatsu helped me to get out of my deepest hole of pain. Shiatsu helped me live more and see that there is a life.
This is my story and I am still living it and healing old wounds with Shiatsu, intuitive healing and my spiritual path. The main fact though, is that continuous Shiatsu saved me – or it helped my body and mind to heal itself. Without any antidepressants.
And it is a continuous friend and healer in my life. More so now than it has ever been.